Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
