Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
