So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I have fence marks all over my body
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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