Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(850): View more from Florida

so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".

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(408): View more from California

we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can

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(416): View more from Toronto

Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am

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(630): View more from Illinois

They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...

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(660): View more from Missouri

What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.

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(269): View more from Michigan

I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.

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(516): View more from New York

Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.

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(307): View more from Wyoming

Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.

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