My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
