pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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