I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
