my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
