dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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