Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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