rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
