can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
