I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
