Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
