Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize