she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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