idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
