I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
