Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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