And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize