who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ugly people sure do ruin things
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I think my moral compass just broke
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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