and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I want her autograph on my taint
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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