A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
