i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
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