I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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