It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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