And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
