false alarm. still invincible.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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