I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
