i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
