She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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