why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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