At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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