My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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