i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
