how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
