it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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