I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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