If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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