This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
