I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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