i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
