my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
