I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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