He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
