i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
