college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
MIDGETS
????
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
