who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
