do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
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