I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Randomize
