We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
