Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
