i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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