My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
