just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
