the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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