JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize