Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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