You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
