I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
