Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
