So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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