I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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