I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
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