yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
