Screwed.edu
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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