Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
