so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
