mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You work out of a Hotel?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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