He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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