it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
