if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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