By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
