So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Is Oprah even human
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize