I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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