She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
