we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
