wanna go halves on a baby?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I need water and some morals
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize