I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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