No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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