You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
