Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
