I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
